February 2010-I’m on all fours trying to crawl in the bottom of the decrepid, rusty green feeder wagon. Howling giggling and cattle munching fills the winter air. Tom’s amused and hands me his coveted knife. He reaches through the cattle panel and somehow my fingertips clasp the tool. Tingles are pulsing in my toes as I feebly cut the long round bale strings that loosely hang and dangle off the old bale. I hack and cut with what I realize in this instant to be a very dull, harmless knife. One that rides with pride in Tom’s pants pocket. The knife I’ve seen Tom use is worthless to me. I barely get the string cut and by now have decided that I’ll just throw hay that was already loosened strewn on the far side of the wagon, within reach of the cattle.

 That really works so swell that I have attracted a crowd of cattle and a few renegade calves.  The cattle’s belly’s are filling with hay and I am now contemplating how to escape the confines of this wagon play pen.  I’m overcome with humor in this all. I’m re-living my childhood right here in a rusty hay wagon. The very same brand my dad has parked abandoned in a pasture. Now I use it because Tom’s had it since he started farming. The same rust is right here and I’m 8 years old again walking daintily to avoid falling through the wagon. I pull myself  up with the wagon dividers for they are a sturdy place to hold onto. The cattle are now oblivious to me as I’m manuevering through the bars to shimmy closely against the wagon to avoid another jolt. 

I stand and clumsily walk towards the drive though gates. I slide the borrowed knife into my  brown Carrhart coat pocket. The beauty of the fading daylight sprinkles serenity and sweetness on the shadowed snow. I’m softened like the snow and open to the joy and humor that surrounds us all when we crack the crusty mind chatter and are open and accepting to this grand life we’ve co-created. I’m thankful for the shock that knocked me to my knees in the rusty haywagon. I’m thankful for  the un-furling of the moment and accepting of all that is.   

What shocking experience have you had?

Flow like electricity??!!

Sue Roskos